I’ve been single for a little bit now, probably just over a full year. I decided to give online dating a whirl and see if I could find someone that is willing to build a meaningful relationship and look at building something serious together. I am no longer interested in something casual or short term. After using several services for six months now I started to notice some patterns, all of which (for me) doesn’t spell good things; talking to some friends they also experience the same, and even reading online threads/comments others are also experiencing the same.
The services that I have used or am still using were/are:
I’m not going to completely breakdown the services pros, cons, etc but I did notice a pattern across several of them (and you will notice it through my post). Out of all the services I tried, eHarmony seemed to be the one service that had seemed the most promising. The key word here being seemed. The future may change though but I don’t have high hopes.
Tinder, I found to be the one service that had the most bots, spam accounts, accounts promoting their Snapchat or OnlyFans. It is also the one service where I’ve had a number of mates who have been catfished or their profiles did not match their IRL self. Many of the interactions I had with individuals on Tinder even with the appropriate filters for what I was looking for still fell into two camps. The individual wanted to either just have a fling or nothing serious or would ghost me after several days of communication. If you’re after something meaningful then I would suggest using another service, but your usage my vary.
Bumble had the least number of users in my area or zone I was willing to travel to meet a potential partner. It didn’t have many bots or spam accounts like Tinder which was good. It was also the service that I had the least amount of message interaction with unfortunately. However, the primary interaction I would have here was ghosting, again after what I thought was some interesting conversations which included movies and TV shows, sports, outdoor activities, and travel. Many of those conversations had common likes or similarities too so when I would get ghosted it was disappointing.
Hinge was an interesting service which yielded nearly the same results as Bumble. A very small potential partner pool, and very low spam or bot accounts. Much like Bumble though the interactions I had were either ghosting after several days or no responses at all. Many users here also seemed to promote their Snapchat profile too for responding to messages based on what I read on their profile introduction section. I would put this closer to the Bumble category than the Tinder category in regard to users of the service.
eHarmony out of all the services seemed to be the one where I thought I would find a meaningful relationship. The comprehensive profile analysis is a nice feature to have and breakdown of communication style, preferred lifestyle, and routines, etc is great. However, the message and communication results were basically the same. Good back and forth communication for several days then complete ghosting. There is nothing more depressing or disappointing than thinking you are building a rapport with someone only to be ghosted a week or two later. On eHarmony if they choose to remove communications you get a goodbye message (which has happened and I am completely fine with – no need to string people along) but I don’t even get that the majority of the time.
Regarding messaging, I have several simple rules. I wouldn’t pursue multiple individuals across the services if I was already communicating with another individual on another service or the same service. If someone didn’t respond to my initial message after four days, I would move on and if someone no longer responded to my messages after seven days and we had been communicating I would move on. On principal I tried my best to keep communication between one potential future partner. The way I see it is I won’t be going down the line in a bar asking woman after woman if the previous woman rejected my advances.
I’ll note that for all the services I would fill in as much detail as possible. I would ensure that I had several photos uploaded showing a range of situations such as solo, with friends, at the snow, hiking, going to the beach, etc. Any details such as my education, height, etc I filled in and made sure that if there was a place for a question/answer such as “What I look for in a relationship” or “I would never” I provided an answer. Many of the women I interacted with, no matter the platform, either put in the bare minimum or provided little to no detail so I relied on messaging to find out more about them which much of the time resulted in ghosting unfortunately. I am trying to put in as much effort as possible here and to give me the best chance possible in potentially matching up with someone a future can be built with.
Am I the most attractive person in the world? God no. I would say I’m average. I’m a university educated individual with a stable job who is financially stable too. I have a variety of indoor and outdoor hobbies who is also willing to try new things and go outside my comfort zone (I even highlight this in my profile). Some people I know have resorted to providing answers or profile information that mention high levels of partying and drinking (even though they don’t participate in those activities) and are getting much better results across the board. I don’t want to resort to this as these types of people I’m not pursuing and would be disingenuous but seem to be the primary users of these services. Finding someone who is looking for the same meaningful relationships or build something serious together may not be in my future any time soon.